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I'm going nuts...

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I have my SuzyQ all ready to go and just sitting there wanting to be ridden. I read all the ride reports from my friends and see all the stuff going on here and at M2W and it makes me crazy not to be able to join in. I may as well sell off my bike. The problem is my wife was struck down by multiple strokes and diagnosed with MS at age 53. I almost lost the love of my life. For her it may have been better to have crossed over into Gods realm. She has lost 80% or more use of her whole left side. The strokes have effected her brain/mind and she is having a horrible go of it. She requires my care on an almost constant basis now. I have to leave her on her own when I work which is a nightmare for her and me. I had/have purchased all kinds of mod parts for my build but can not afford to do it as my work has dropped off so much over the last 3 years I worry about being able to keep my house and pay for my wifes medical. I need to ride so bad. It was/is my therapy to clear my head and get exercise and have fun. Since I shattered my left foot 1/9/2012 and she fell ill that October our lives have taken such a bad turn we are going nuts together. My wife Brenda is the love of my life and we used to be so active. Going everywhere outdoors and even were gym a holics. We were in great shape. Now all has changed. She cries and wants to die a lot. I work hard to keep a positive vibe going on for her and me. Take what ever work I can get to keep the roof over our head. Ramen noodles are a staple of our diets. So you can see why I am going nuts. Not posting much. Never riding. Going bat crap stir crazy and have absolutely no help with the care of my wife. I stay at home. Dust the bike and dream of farkles and destinations to see. I get so sad for my wife . Just last night she told me she feels like she has been cut in half. I tried real hard to choke back the tears when she said that. Didn't work. We have been married over 26 1/2 years. It hurts so much to see her ever so slowly get worse and worse physically and mentally. I am dying inside for her. We do not know what to do about anything anymore. Be kind and good to yourselves and loved ones. Be thankful for your health and loved ones. Above all know that you are loved by your creator even though we humans have so many frailities don't blame God. Please forgive me for my rant. I have no one to turn to or talk to most all the time. And of course no one wants to hear this kind of stuff from or about anyone. Gods love and peace be with all of you and yours. May you all be safe and well.

 

Keep posting your ride reports and mods so I can live vicariously though you. Sincerely, Jim.

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Your signature says a mouthful. You know who to talk to.

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Jim, I can only imagine the pain you and yours are going through. Prayers are on your way!   

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I wish I was closer so I could help out doing something

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Wish you and your wife the best. I don't think anybody minds you venting on here. I too am going trough some personal health problems myself. just keep going and try to ride when you can, if you can.

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Hey Jim.....very sorry to hear your sad news.I hear some major pain in your words, and I'm sure everyone here who reads this thread feels the same. Hang in there buddy, all of our thoughts are with you and hoping this all gets better......... :)

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Hey BC,

 

You know you can call me anytime. If you just want to vent ,laugh, cry whatever.  I wish you and momma hope in the future, there is a plan.

 

 

Dan

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Really sorry to hear this,  all me best for the both of you,  and kudos for staying positive.

 

As far as riding,  a ride does not have to be for days with great far destinations,   i dont have a lot of time to ride either,  but whenever i can i hop on the bike and ride around,  even if its for 1/2 hour or so,  you should try doing that,  even around your neighborhood/city,  it gets the job done.

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My wife was diagnosed with late stage Ovarian Cancer and for several years we thought she was going to die.  She needed a lot of care during this time and it was exhausting. We got lucky, she is among the 15% or so that survived. Now at 6 years out we are starting to think about the future. Happy ending for us but I learned something that I suggest to you as a must.

One way or the other you must find a way to get some regular breaks from the 24/7 care job. You will get exhausted if you aren’t already and eventually you will be of less help to her.  I know we all have realities such that things like this can be easier said than done. Consider it something that you are doing for her as much as for yourself because it really is that way.

Hang in there, prayers and best wishes.

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Sorry to hear what you are going through Jim, try to stay positive and take it one day at a time. :) 

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My wife was diagnosed with late stage Ovarian Cancer and for several years we thought she was going to die.  She needed a lot of care during this time and it was exhausting. We got lucky, she is among the 15% or so that survived. Now at 6 years out we are starting to think about the future. Happy ending for us but I learned something that I suggest to you as a must.

One way or the other you must find a way to get some regular breaks from the 24/7 care job. You will get exhausted if you aren’t already and eventually you will be of less help to her.  I know we all have realities such that things like this can be easier said than done. Consider it something that you are doing for her as much as for yourself because it really is that way.

Hang in there, prayers and best wishes.

Well said............. :thumbsup:

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You are a strong , brave and compassionate soul. You will be rewarded in the kingdom one day. Takes a real man to stay beside their partner in the bad and struggling times. Our hearts and prayers go out to you brother. Take care

Shawn

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Jim,

Just finished reading your post to my wife (senior nurse) and she said she can totally relate to what the two of you are going through.

 

She has often spoken to me of the devastaing after-affect of stroke, not just on the victim but also on the surviving family.

 

Not too surprising, her first question to me was "where do they live", thinking of some way........and that you might be nearby. Alas, Nevada is a long way from Vancouver, Canada.

 

Keep your chin up, you never know what might happen and try and get yourself breaks from the daily grind, it will be good for your wife to see you enjoying yourself, if this is at all possible.

 

Thinking positive thoughts for you and Brenda...

 

Greg

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You are upholding the vow you made to her 26 1/2 years ago.  There is no greater honor.  We're here for you Jim.

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First off I and my wife want to say thank you for all the well wishes, prayers and input. The thing about internet based communities is we do not often get to meet one another. Some of you know me from other sites. Some know of me from my posts here. The offers of help and prayers have touched me. My eyes are leaking because of the compassion shown. To those of you with health problems or loved ones with them I offer my prayers of support, health and wellness. Shoot I pray for all of you here and just about the whole world. We all need them. We humans are a hot mess most of the time. If its not health its financial or relationship problems. There is so much negativity in our lives it is surprizing that we even get out of bed. Constantly bombarded by it on TV, media and those around us. It is very hard to be positive and up. I feel for everyone who struggles with life. It is difficult to stay alive for any creature on this planet. The fight for life and love is a good one. Funny the more love you give the more you get but so many of us don't spread the love. We gives fingers instead of understanding waves and a greeting in traffic. We blame others for our lot in life. Maybe even accuse God or Jesus for ignoring our plight. It is not so. It is just life as we know it. Frail and hard won.

 

For my wife and myself there is not a lot that can be done to help us. Sure it would be great if someone could be with her so I can get out and ride without worry that she may fall and have no one there to help. She has fallen several times and the first time she did after the initial hospital stay she broke her left hip. Fear is a controlling part of her and my life. God tells us not to fear a few hundred times in the book. He knows the impact of fear in our lives. Anger as well. Those two emotions can control your life without even knowing it. A simple fact of our lives is that change is constant and not always for the better. We age, we change, we work to adapt. If we don't adapt or accept then conflict enters our lives and takes over our minds. If you can not change, accept or adapt your mindset goes to the negative side of things. To make myself handle all this that has been thrust upon us I always pray to be humble. Believe me I am very humbled by all of this. Knowing there is little I can do to help my wifes illness hurts deeply. Knowing I can not do what I used to do because of my foot has humbled me. Where I used to fight and resist I now consider and contemplate a compromise. Bottom line is I love my wife so much and I am so totally devastated by these changes and circumstances that I am struggling like never before in my life. My wife feels like its all a bad dream that she wishes she could wake up from. How do you deal with it all? We used to go to church and she was a believer. Now her mind is so messed up she replaced faith with fear and hatetred. I pray God relieves those terrible mindsets. I pray for healing. Above all for forgiveness and love. I thank you all for the love you have shown in your kind responeses.

 

Pete I pray that your wife stays cancer free. She has been blessed as well you. Thank you for your supporting words. Compassion fatigue is real. I do need a break but I will not take one until her needs are met so I can be free of worry. Until then I percevere and wait on my God to send help.

 

LG416 I pray that soon your own health problems be resolved and a thing of the past.

 

To my DR-Z compadres that have known me for awhile I truly thank you for your support. I do truly hope oneday to meet and ride with you. That includes all of you. I like many of you love to ride. Mainly for the sheer freedom and pleasure of it. We know why we ride. And like they say...you don't see many motorcycles parked in front of a shrinks office. Unless its his/hers and their way of finding freedom of mind, body and soul! God bless you all! :D

 

It is a new day with all its blessing and challanges. May God be by your side always to help you meet and greet each and everyday...

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