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Absolute Classic! - Follow on from most stupid mistake

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This isn’t my story… but one I thought would be great to share with everyone!

It was posted on www.mcnews.com.au a few Months back :D

Thought it would make a good follow on from peoples most stupid mistakes post :)

"Adrenalin - What Colour Is It Anyway?"

Some of us wear BMW style two piece "open chin" helmets - you

know the type - where the lower chin piece can be opened by pressing two

thumb locks. Some people have also fitted their bikes with electronic

cruise control or a version which operates on friction on the throttle -

either way they hold the speed of the bike reasonably constant without any input

from one's throttle hand. We also all wear gloves, which invariably fasten

around the wrist with either a velcro flap or a press stud; some of the

more expensive types have a zip fastener as well, among other features.

Picture if you will, one lone BMW rider with an opening chin helmet

and a pair of good quality velcro fastened gloves sailing along the Hume

Highway at 115 kph (that's all I'll admit to!!) dialled in on the electronic

cruise control. Weather is good, no cars in the immediate vicinity,

scenery is boring, no cops, life is good!! Junction of highway with

Albury/Wodonga Road about 5 km away, no need to slow down yet; bike is running

beautifully!! Looking forward to lunch.

Bugger! Is that a bee that just got into my helmet through the

small gap I've left for some fresh air? Could be. Well, I'll just open my

helmet visor to let him out. Visor up ... no, the little bugger is going to

be stubborn, cantankerous even! He's not going to leave and is now

behind my sunnies, must be tired from all that pollen hunting. Don't want to

be stung on the eyelid -- I'll just open the chin piece on my BMW helmet (very

handy) and get him out .... let go of handlebars .... squeeze the release

buttons bike is nicely balanced and holding line well ... speed steady ... no

cars ... this should be easy ... got the helmet open ... glasses off ...

piss off bee! ... glasses on ... slam shut helmet ... hands back to bars ----

oh, sheeite!

Thumbs of both gloves jammed in helmet!!! Gloves won't

move even though I'm pulling like hell!! Wow, this will be interesting...

can't quite press the release buttons with little fingers ... junction now

3.5 km away ... I know, I'll just pull one or both hands out of my

gloves.... no, that doesn't work: "velcro is good stuff, won't come undone if you

fall off!" I remember the salesman saying that. He was absolutely

right, they're stuck fast, I'd have to tear my head off first .

Well, next brilliant idea, what if I just touched the foot brake --- nooo,

dumb idea! That won't work, this airhead beemer has great engine

braking and when I get to about 40 kph and can't balance the bike any longer

and the dreaded BMW boxer wheel-wobble starts, which it will, I am going to

have major tank slappers --- sheeeiite!! I'll be off on my bum so quick

and still hanging onto my helmet so tightly they'll have to bury me in

it!! Won't do the bike much good either!!!

Hell, I can see the junction up ahead about one and half k's away

and I am really starting to get the wind up ... tense even ... certain parts

are beginning to pucker ... if the lights change to red and that huge

B-double waiting at the lights is in the middle of the intersection when I get

there, jeeesus, I'm going to be a hood ornament next to that bloody chrome

bull dog!! Must try and pull hands really hard ... can I make them any

smaller ... 800 metres ... the left one is giving a little ... maybe the

gloves are slipping on the sweat now pouring from every pore ... 600 metres yes,

yes, that's it, they're wet with sweat ....... I am going to have to hit

the footbrake in the next few seconds ... can't hit that @#$*&@ big truck

at this speed, it might scratch his duco ... yes! yes! ripper! Got

the left hand out ... now hit foot brake to cancel cruise, de-clutch and slow

bike with foot brake ... steer for the shoulder ... slowing down ...

slide foot... stop ... ease out clutch to stall bike ... side stand down


switch off bike with left hand, right hand still glued to helmet


tintops going past must think I've got toothache ... fall off into

grass ... lay there for 5 minutes till the shaking stops and the adrenaline

rush dissipates... now release helmet with left hand and remove sweat

soaked head. Breathe out ---- shizer! Was that ever close! I'll buy a

Tatts ticket

When I had recovered, I realised there were two observation here:-

No. 1: It's not a good idea to open or shut your helmet when on the move.


No. 2: Did you know, "adrenalin" is brown!!

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