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Help me understand my wife

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My wife and I pretty much started dating because I ride, and I have been riding all my life so its an integral part of my life. She has talked about wanting to get into riding for quite some time, she has always said that she wants her own dirt bike. Last week I get really serious about it, start researching bikes and calling for prices. This weekend she decides that she doesn't want to get bikes because we are going to start having kids soon (we want to start trying within the next 6 months or so) and that she doesn't want to spend the money, and once she's pregnant she won't be able to ride anyway.

We don't take vacations, we live fairly modestly, we make good money and have a fair amount in savings, and we can buy bikes now and sell them in the spring if we have to for only a few hundred dollars worth of loss. A bargain for the fun you get!

Help me understand this whole biological clock thing. I know she doesn't want to work once we have kids, which is very difficult in the northern Virginia area (we are currently considering moving to North Carolina for just that reason.) Am I only being selfish, or is she nesting a little too much?

Thanks, and sorry for bugging the Thumpette forum for advice!

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I don't see anythign wrong with getting a bike now and enjoying the time now. Like you said you can always sell it in the spring. No biggie. Or even keep it til after the baby. There is a life after that too.

As for her wanting to stay at home and raise the child....Hats off to her. Thats the way it should be. And you should be willing to help her make that happen.

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wish I had some advice for you. (hubby and I are not into kids) I'm sure you could talk her into some bikes. As you said, you could always sell them later if things change. Good luck!

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If she's not into learning how to ride now, don't buy a bike for her, it will just sit in the garage and she'll be pissed that you spent the money. Wait to buy a bike for her when she is 100% ready to ride. This may or may not be after kids, but she has to be totally ready to learn first. Just my 2 cents.

PS Nesting is natural when you are planning a family. Let her enjoy this time instead of stress about it.

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She is thinking long term safety with the kids in the picture. This is only the beginning of the "nesting" type thought process, and will increase with the arrival of your children. I would personally try and talk her into it, if for nothing else but having another bike in the shop. But don't have any expectation that she will be riding with you alot, that could be a mistake.

children are a blessing and, most day's, are very much worth all the expense, effort and sacrifice.

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Sounds to me like she's using the nesting idea as an excuse to get out of doing something that she isn't so sure she wants to do. For some people and not just women, riding sounds like a lot of fun but it is also quite intimidating.

I know a lot of people that say they would like to get a dirtbike and learn to ride but when offered one, even a mild mellow bike to try out, they have 101 excuses why they can't. They are not serious about wanting to ride.

ktmchick is right, make sure SHE is really ready to give it a try before you get a bike for her or you are going to really piss her off. Maybe you could borrow a bike for her to try out, if she is serious about doing it and the money with kids on the horizon is really the issue then she could try it out without spending the cash. After that she may be more interested (or possibly less).

Long term safety? Please, those of us moms that ride aren't thinking about long term safety? I'm more concerned about my families long term safety when I'm driving to and from work.

No offense Valerie but staying at home to raise kids is not how it SHOULD be, at least not for me. It SHOULD be for those that choose to do so but certainly not for everyone (we are still in the USA I hope). :banghead:

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wish I had some advice for you. (hubby and I are not into kids) I'm sure you could talk her into some bikes. As you said, you could always sell them later if things change. Good luck!

Too bad you can't sell the kids later if you change your mind. :banghead:

Sorry.......hubby and I ARE NOT into kids either. We like other people's kids because we can give them back. I guess it's just not our thing.

I can't advise on the nesting issue because I don't have that instinct.

Are there any plans to get the children involved in the sport in the future?

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Too bad you can't sell the kids later if you change your mind. :banghead:

funny!! Seems like there are very few of us women that don't want kids. Even growing up I didn't want them either!! Some have the whole mothering type in them and some don't. I guess my hubby and I enjoy doing what we want when we want!

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Count me on that list. Of course I'm not married so this mystical nesting thing may hit me later, but I don't have any longings for children at the moment nor am I looking forward to any in the future. I have a puppy and a dirt bike and a Jeep and sometimes a boyfriend and that's plenty.

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Maybe your looking deeper into something that been given to you at face value. Take it for what she says...... as long as she is still supportive of you going riding. (You mentioned you rode all your life, but talked about purchasing bikes, so i don't know if you currently have one and ride or are looking for the both at the same time. Go ahead and purchase the one for you if you don't have one, if you do, save it instead)

In time she may change her mind but to try and decipher why.... well that can just run a person crazy. There maybe a time that you may have to set aside riding to help and support your wife and your new children...(in not doing that and putting riding first, that's selfish) ..and then perhaps there maybe a time when you can continue, with not only her support, but she will be there riding along with your children...... Don't let something like this come in between the two of you, when all it takes is alittle, understanding.....just at face value. Your doing well in all you said....keep it up......she'll be happier for it and perhaps you will too. This is just my opinion of course and does not explain why she may feel anything........ that's one i don't touch with folks because the why's are infinate. If i was totally off, i apologize. jb. :banghead:

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Thanks for the replies everyone! In a discussion with her yesterday, I mentioned that we never take vacations (3+ years of marriage and not one) even though once a year most of our friends are flying out somewhere or renting a beach house or something. For us, spending Christmas with family is about as much vacation as we get. She agreed that dirt bikes will be our vacation, so yesterday we bought an '06 CRF150 and an '05 CRF250X :banghead: I was originally thinking CRF100 for her and CRF230 for me, but after looking at them we both agreed that long-term we would be happier with step up models. Actually, she kind of had to convince me to get the 250X, I really didn't want to spend that much money, but spending a little more now is better than getting something that I don't like and would regret later (her words.)

So thanks again, and I hope to see you on the trails sometime soon, we will be the ones on the brand new matching Hondas. WOOHOO!!!

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wow, amazing the powers of communication. It is always nice when the wife says, oh no, get the bigger bike.

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Wow, that's is awsome! Glad to read this whole thread and find out the outcome of it! If it helps any, I bought my own bike right before we got married, we were engaged, and I really thought I might enjoy riding with him as something for us to do together. Long story short, 12 years & 3 kids later, I STILL ride and never sold my bike even in the midst of having 3 kids in 3 years! I did upgrade from the XR200 to the KDX200, 2 years before kids, but to this day still have it, 9 years later and totally look forward to the days we all go riding as a family, we already do sometimes. Sometimes we take all the kids(4,5&6) and take turns riding with a goup of friends, that way someone is always in the parking lot with the kids, or most often I take off on my own on the weekend to meet up with friends while he stays home to babysit. I am a stay at home mom, so I am really looking forward to getting away on the weekends, while he is looking forward to spending time with the kids! Works out for both of us!

Good luck to both of you! :banghead:

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