A Field Guide to Mountain Bikers

That is some of the most creative writing I have had the privledge to read for quite a while!!! :crazy:

I shouldn't say it out loud, but I have ran across of 4 wheeled couch riders that had some of those irritating traits as well....

Dear Brother Clark,

I thought your original post was funny. I was confused a little by the derogatory remarks, but I went along, I even tried to keep it light with a little humor of my own, I mean seriously you don’t think I would shave my legs do you?

I think good natured sarcasm is great; go for it.

Now this is just my opinion…

Everyone here seems pretty angry and xenophobic.


People who wear spandex are homos, actually folks who are different in any way are homos, fags, communists, derelicts and Brokebacks

People who drive Volvos or BMW’s should not use the trail and they are homos

Starbucks is baad mmkay

Clark only meets MTBer’s who are complete jerks and deserved to be assaulted with roost or tire spoons

Everyone here has a BRC card and unlike the MTB crowd actually does trail work…

Lets see Dpike makes one statement, “

You guys are the reason we are all going to lose.

I read that as saying that being confrontational and putting down folks who are different might not help the problem.

He throwing a “hissy fit”, you counter with”

This is exactly the type of self-righteous indignation I spoke of. I don't know of anyone who rides a dirt bike that throws a hissy fit when they see a pedaler, horseback rider, or couch driver on "their" trail. I go out of my way to treat other trail users with courtesy and respect, regardless of their chosen mode of transportation. The mountain bikers I encounter, without exception, have an attitude and agenda and display it readily when I have the misfortune to cross their path. Your reply insinuates a need for solidarity within the entire outdoor community. I say fine, then the spandex crowd needs to get off their high horses in their ivory tower of pseudo-environmentalism and start playing nice with others. A BRC membership card, a Volvo and a Starbucks frequent flier coupon just doesn't cut it. The next time one of them opens their mouth to insult me in the name of environmental defense, I'm gonna bust out some of their porcelain veneers with my tire spoons :ride: ...SC

“ Wow? :crazy:

I say let’s get a roll call of everyone who is a member of BRC, USA-ALL, CORVA, UTMA, Stewards of the Sequoia or any other trail support organization.

How about anyone who has put in say 3 days of trail work in oh hmmm the last decade. Can you say your name? That’s Great! If you can stand up and be counted that is good for all of us who want to keep the trails open. Let’s hear about that!

Maybe next time say “Howdy, cool bike, wow did you really pedal up that?” Maybe you’ll find something in common with a potential ally in the fight.

Here is what I see happen on the trail: , I have had almost all good experiences with trail users on horseback, bikes, quads. Folks on foot seem to be the least accommodating, but more than half are decent folks. I have had MTBers in Colorado, Utah and Good old Cali give me great tips on trails. But that’s just me.

I find it much easier to get MTBers to write letters than motos and with my moto friends I have to drag them to do trail work, the MTB guys are organized and provide food all I do is show up with a pick or shovel.

Bridge the gap man, put your hand out; if you smile expect the same in return and if you roost me expect the same in return!

Geeeeez.....lighten up everyone! :lol: The only MBers I have a problem with are the ones that sling nasty comments at me for no reason and act as if they have every right to be there and I don't :ride: and I must say they seem to be a minority. Most of them just wave :ride: And yes, I have put hours in improving the trail system :crazy:

Dear Cousin McNabb,

Did you not read the second sentence in the paragraph of mine that you so deftly quoted wherein I stated that I treat everyone I see on the trail with courtesy and respect? That is the key there my friend. The conclusion you came to regarding the pedalers I happen upon is dead right, each one has been a first class horse's ass. I finally got tired of carrying the olive branch and found that carrying something a little more potent was much more satisfying.

With regard to my use of the term "homos", I took a bit of literary license with that for the sake of humor. I personally don't care if someone butters their bread on the other side, just as long as they're not looking to butter mine as well. As far as my other references, again I was merely using those stereotypical images for satiric illustration.

I care not to get into a "mine is bigger than yours" competition regarding my activism, because, quite simply, I already gave at the office. If you need some sort of comparitive basis for self worth, these days I measure myself against others only by height and shoe size rather than civic heroism...by virtue of my chosen vocation, I already have 99% of my challengers beaten before I have my morning coffee.

With that said, I will continue on my merry way, waving and glad-handing those who return the sentiment, and happily roosting those who don't, hoping to instill some semblance of courtesy in an otherwise impolite world. Or perhaps I should just blow a ragged hole through the middle of them with my .45. After all, Nevada allows concealed carry too...SC

....I will continue on my merry way, waving and glad-handing those who return the sentiment, and happily roosting those who don't,...... Or perhaps I should just blow a ragged hole through the middle of them with my .45.
Absolutely classic, Clark. :crazy:

The pussi-ness of the cyclists in your area truly shock and awe me!

I do equal parts MTB and WR426 and virtually every MTBer I encounter here in the Santa Cruz Mtns is either a dirt biker or sympathetic to the cause. Hell, I even poach THEIR trails :crazy: on my TTR and have yet to get bitched out. Our preferred mode of travel to the trailhead is either pedaling or a pickup and pre-ride tunes include Slayer and Exodus - what town in Nevada are you in so I can plan an enduro ride there with a fresh rear knob?

Nice one Clark. Well written and very funny. If a little generalising.

Thom McNabb, you make some very good comments and I think that they may have been taken harder than they were intended.

:lol: Personally I have found that in all groups there are good and bad people. Left, right, straight, bent, bent over, rich, poor it doesn't matter, there are those you can get along with and those you can't.

:crazy:Strangely enough I am a liberal pinko bastard who would like to take away all the guns and self absorbed attitudes and put people though re-education so that their morals and ethics reflect mine (yes liberal turned dictator). I also like to ride too fast, do stunts, make a lot of noise, go bow hunting, watch porn and generally f**k s**t up.

But neither of these extremist attitudes makes many friends nor do they protect our rights to ride. I find it helpful to take a look though other peoples eyes and try to walk in their shoes. Like everyone they are not thinking about you, they are thinking about their own situation. With a little understanding of everyones needs we can all generally get what we want.

What is my point? S**t mate I don't even know anymore :ride::ride: I spose not to take things too seriously. It is all just a "ride" after all.

Thanks again for the laugh clark :crazy:

I assume, from your avatar, that you know the scissorbill society well. Apparently your writing skills came from their teachings, probably 4 or 5 years worth. After your extensive studies of the culture, you must know them well, at least better than most. That would probably explain the extraordinary accuracy in your description of the species. Good post. (By the way even the top 5 out of 15 or so, does not put you in the top 1 percentile of your vocation)

Sticker on my friends bike... :crazy:

Went for a Peavine ride the other day. Still snow up top, no Dog Valley yet. Noticed that the infamous scissorbill, in true spirit of saving Peavine from the stupid Nevadans, planted a few of the "native" Tulips. Good thing they can protect us from ourselves, otherwise I wouldn't know what we would do!



Mtn bikers ride trails here in central oregon that are ancient indian trading paths through the mountains. Places worth pedaling. Phat old trees and rain! No place for a dirt bike. Or noise.

No mtn biker wants to ride your bike or be like you.

When I pedal and hear a four-stroke screaming from 2 miles away and they kick up dust that chokes me i dislike them to!

I love single-track on two wheels. I enjoy riding with chicks in lycra. I love two wheels. I wear lycra when I pedal my road bike. Killer workout on country roads.

As for toughness of bikers... Try roosting a mtn biker in oregon!

They will do a night ride through your camp. They know how to have fun getting even. Actually- just show up at a free-ride area with your bush '04 sticker on your big truck. See if you have the guts to do even one of the jumps and gaps they do!

Sissorbills flat fly the sky!

I welcome you to come to the 24 hour race at goldendale, washington and kick this ironman off the podium for the first time. kick MY lycra ass. you want a measure of toughness? lets go 400 miles off road in a day!

Don't talk about roosting mtn bikers on the trail. I hope you remember the piano wire scare a decade or so ago. Don't ever mess with nature lovers. Realize in our armor and helmets, we only look like environmental terrorists to many folks. Good on them for fighting what they believe in! (i do not condone wire!) Hopefully the people we offend while riding don't retaliate against us all.

I have had my windows broken out for being moto.

We have to realize what a bunch of twits we look like to mtn. bikers. We enjoy a privilege not a right. When you see a bicycle rider- slow down, stop, kill the engine, say hello and group back up with your other riders. Same as you would do with horses. Sometimes the people are spooked until you take off your helmet. Try that. When they see your smile, they realize you are there for the same things and they will relate better.



Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. You pseudo-elitist, self-inlfated blow hards are all the same. I don't have time to address each and every little titter and squeak you make. Just do me one favor...stay put, I hear Oregon is nice...SC

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. You pseudo-elitist, self-inlfated blow hards are all the same. I don't have time to address each and every little titter and squeak you make. Just do me one favor...stay put, I hear Oregon is nice...SC

Right on! No scissor bills this time of year in the AZ desert around here. FWIW, I'm a live an let live kind of guy until I'm f**ked with. I am polite to hikers, bikers, 4-wheelers, horses, and anything else on the trail. I think it is awesome that people get out and do things whatever it is as long as they have respect and consideration for guys like me doing what I enjoy. There is plenty of space out here for all to enjoy and it is in everyone's interest to support each other.....the shaved spandex wearing "liberals" included.

No problems with or sighting of pedal pushers on the trails or otherwise in the Vegas area since I moved here in January 04. In Washington State, a different story.

Where have you been ? Go look up by Red Rock, it is infested on the weekends!

John in Vegas

WOW, where have I been? I must have missed all of this when it was first posted, however I have something to add.

In the Houston area we don't have mountain bikers but last week in Moab I got a first hand look at what they are. The first trail we rode was Porcupine Rim and we met NUMEROUS MB'ers. All of them were very nice and polite as were we, you know the Texas Way. At the campground we were in a cabin next to about 30 of them. They were very nice and even came and sat at camp with us. Most of them were from Colorado but some were from other countries. It was some sort of MB'er clothing rep. group.

To the incident that really made me see what these guys are all about.

They left a day before we did. When I was backing up to hook up my trailer I found a piece of paper on my windshield. I pulled it off and this is what it said, "Hey Texas guys it is not a good idea to wash your gas rags in the sink because it disrupts the septic system. Your Buddies for Colorado."

Man I was pissed because I immediately knew who did it and what he was taking about. The coward, who left a note, was standing next to me while I was washing out a filter skin in an outdoor sink. I had already sprayed filter cleaner on the skin and rinsed it with an outside water hose. I then dropped the skin in the gravel and walked over to the sink to rinse it again. The cowardly bastard could not have said something then he had to leave a note three days later.

The self righteous piece of crap assumed I was hurting his precious environment. :ride::banana::busted::smirk::lol::lol::lol::eek::eek:

Until I found the note I did not understand what the big deal was about MB'ers but now I know.

Sorry, I had to vent! It has been eating at me. :usa::lol:

Bingo! It's amazing that many of these clowns have the temerity to run thier mouths at the slightest affront to thier perception of how things should be. Imagine telling a grown man, and a stranger to boot, how to behave on a trail.

Some people really want to get punched in the mouth. :ride:

The self righteous piece of crap assumed I was hurting his precious environment. :ride::banana::busted::smirk::lol::lol::lol::eek::eek:

Until I found the note I did not understand what the big deal was about MB'ers but now I know.

Sorry, I had to vent! It has been eating at me. :usa::lol:

So now you think all mountain bikers are A-holes because of one jerk? You said it yourself that you thought they were cool out on the trail, but now because of one stupid note, you agree with the complete IDIOT who started this thread?

This thread really exposes how stupid people are. You can't stereotype an entire sport based on a few irritating yuppies who are involved with it. Since it seems a lot of you mountain bike-haters don't get out much, let me enlighten you. There are basically two types of mountain bikers out there. There are the old-school cross-country riders who are basically road bike riders on mountain bikes. They wear spandex, are really anal about how much their bikes weigh, count their calories, and are more focused on the climb than the downhill, because their road riding background gave them no technical off-road skills. Cross country racers are amazing athletes and can get out of the saddle and hammer up hills that give you couch potatoes a coronary in the first 1/8 mile. This group of mountain bikers can be annoying because SOME of them are selfish, yuppie, elitists and are not off-roader friendly even though they, themselves, are off-roaders on human-powered OHV's.

The other group of mountain bikers is now much larger than the XC crowd and those are the new-school downhill, freeride group. These people come from a moto/bmx background, so they are into doing jumps, drops and downhill runs. If you go to a ski resort at any part of the US during the off-season, you will see these folks riding the Gondola to the top of the hill and riding down. If you want, rent an 8 inch travel full-suspension bike at your local ski resort this summer and see just how fun this sport is. This group CAN be annoying too, because SOME of them are also a-holes, but in a different way. There are a lot of freeride squids who show up at non-technical xc trails with their downhill bikes and their full-moto helmets who don't yield the trail to climbers, run over hikers and basically give the entire sport a bad name.

Then, there are those love all forms of mountain biking and have xc, freeride, downhill, and single speed bikes in their garage, and don't need to be part of one group or the other.

The fact is, a lot of mountain bikers have dirt bikes themselves. There are only a few out there that are anti-moto out there anyway, and who cares what they think? Those people are clueless idiots.

Don't pretty much all the top motocross racers ride mountain bikes to train and build endurance? Mountain biking goes hand-in-hand with moto. Every time I go riding I notice that all the whiners who want to go back to the parking lot after 30 miles are the ones that don't ride mountain bikes or do anything else to stay in shape.

To the person who started this thread (Clark4131): If your skin is so thin that you must be a hard-ass tough-guy out on the trail and kick anyone's butt who calls you names, you should be a real man and get off the bike, take off the helmet, drop the backpack and put up your dukes and fight like a real man. I'd say "roosting" someone with rocks is a pretty cowardly attack. You seem pretty proud of it, though, because this isn't the first time you bragged about doing it. Think about it, you are retreating quickly as you are attacking. It's kind like sucker-punching someone and then running away, but far more cowardly, because you don't even have the balls to throw a punch.

You really shouldn't get your panties in a bunch every time someone makes fun of you or calls you names. You should put the big boy shoes and let it go, keep on riding and have a nice day out on the trail. This is a far more wise course of action. Think about how you'd feel if you did get off your bike one day and got beat down by a "scissorbill" in spandex. That would be pretty embarrassing, wouldn't it?

95% of the undeserving are lycra-encased pedal dweebs out communing with nature. :banana: ...SC

Not to mention that those teardrop-shaped beanies and wrap-around shades they wear, along with the multi-colored Lycra make them look like a diseased praying mantis. :ride:

Kidding aside, I couldn't agree more. If I give respect I expect to get respect back (but probably shouldn't be surprised if I don't). However if I get attitude then I won't hesitate to respond accordingly.

Seen "On Any Sunday?" Mert Lawill desinged the first production mountain bike ever, and has helped a lot with the development of mountain bike suspension over the years. Anti-moto mountain bikers need to be reminded that the mountain bike in its current form probably wouldn't exist without people like Mert. Mountain bike haters should also understand that one of the legends of their sport is down with mountain biking, and has a son who competes in downhill racing.

Here's a little bio on Mert from the Mountain Bike Hall of Fame website:


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