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Complaint letter by angry bleeder

By Sun,
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Grand Master

Sun

Posted
Posted

Sorry I couldnt resist sharing:lol:

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company

Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets

rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'

choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years

and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core

or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa

dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach

in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your

revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough

to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell

you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16

in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from

the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is

starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces

violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body

will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call

'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen

quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's

monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the

bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood

swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize

it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend

Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into

a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's

Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just

crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.. Which brings me to the

reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so

painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I

opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,

were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny

middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing

happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned

above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless

you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'

about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua

and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the

local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketc hy plan to end

your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a

moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say

something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or

'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective

immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have

chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will

certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your

brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

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MichelleTTR

Posted
Posted

That's a serious message? Unreal.

They should put a sticker in playboys & suchlike saying "having a happy wank, loser". (not saying married/attached guys don't buy tit magazines - just can't think of anything guys go through that would offend them).

Now if they put a sticker on my bottles of wine when I have my period saying "have a happy period", I'd buy more and support one brand. Especially if they dose it up with painkillers.

Oh, a kit, with everything I need for my "happy" period would be good, but no valium please, that just gets me suicidal.

That's priceless and only in America :confused: (must check we haven't got that happening over here lol)

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Grand Master

Firecracker

Posted
Posted

Hilarious!

Now there used to be a small, off-brand of thong-sized pantiliners that had cute sayings on the peel-off thing. It wasn't "have a happy period," it was more like girl power sayings and some of them were pretty funny. I guess the company went away though since I haven't seen any of their stuff lately :confused:

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Grand Master

learning2fly

Posted
Posted
go Wendy! I think that has go to be THE stupidest product ID(or whatever they call it)EVER. It would be interesting to know how it affected sales, I know I never buy their stuff because of that stupid phrase!

I dunno...there have been times, when I got my period, it was a VERY happy period, indeed! :excuseme:

Can't say I've ever bothered to read the tear-off strips, either... so I don't suppose it would affect my purchase... :confused: If it does its job, I'm a happy girl... :excuseme:

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mxdirtdiva

Posted
Posted
Kind of like a fortune cookie lol hey! that's what they should do, a fortune message on each pad.

:excuseme:

Peel off yer fortune, ewwhh... it's my lucky happy day! :excuseme:

hmmm, maybe i should sell my stocks in Proctor and Gamble?

nahhhhh,their dividend is too generous.

Try Kimberly-Clark :confused:

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racer36

Posted
Posted

Ladies, in sympathy of this "Mr. Thatcher" guy, (or empathy??? :confused: i don't know which it classifies as???) cut him a break.

I had to do a speech once when I was in college for a marketing class. I loved doing this kind of project, public presentations were my specialty. :eek: But the topic of the presentation was to compare an ad from like 50-100 years ago to the same companies ad today.

I was stumped. couldn't find anything that sparked my interest. told my wife (she wasn't then. then she would have been gf or fiance'. can't remember which?) she said, "well let me look around for you and see what I can help you find." :prof: sure enuff, she found a topic for me. and before she told me what it was, she said she didn't think I would do it.

I said of course I would.

so she dared me (and I'm talking a "double-dog-dare" kind of dare :ride: )

I accepted.

:ride:

and then proceeded to help my dignity pack it's bags and move out. :eek: :eek:

:ride: she found an old tampax ad from the 50's and a current one. :ride:

after about a week of prepping for the task, my day in front of my peers (co-ed peers :ride: ) came.

i compared, contrasted, ...

...blushed :ride: ,

...and spent 20 minutes struggling in front of the class to explain how the ads "reached out to women and bonded with their experiences to build brand loyalty".

I had 90% of the people rolling on the floor laughing throughout the presentation (most of the guys in the room-right from the start:lol: -the women then once they watched me squirm a while.:ride: ) and others just kinda giving me that "you thought the ad meant what?":shocked: kinda stare.

so like i said cut him a break. ? you should realize we (MEN) know NOTHING about what is going on in the female brain on a normal day, let alone when it is all jacked up on hormones.:ride:

i would say he was just trying to brighten your day and make you smile with this cute little printing on your stuff, :ride: when you might have needed a little something of the sort on a day that would have been a grumpy one :eek:

besides, if it was such a bad idea, :bonk: shouldn't one of the female members of his R&D/marketing team have picked up on it and stopped it before it hit the production phase? :eek:

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mxdirtdiva

Posted
Posted

racer36, that definetely took some guts - bet you surprised your wife too, lol. :confused:

I really don't know who markets these things. I guess they feel playing up that life is just one big happy flowery thing, we'll buy their product?? I do have to laugh at some of the commercials that show all the possibilities of anything and everything you can and should "feel" like doing during "those" times. My favorite is the gal at the beach, wearing white shorts, leaping with joy in the air, laughing and smiling as she runs barefoot across the sand flying a kite. They have to know we're sitting at home shaking our heads when we watch this stuff. :prof:

Then there's the subliminal messages, where the product actually speaks to you. This phenomenon always seems to occur right before a major holiday, or event: :bonk:

http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x164/mxdirtdiva/tampon-1.jpg[/img]"]tampon-1.jpg

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