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If You Need A Chuckle.....

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This one made me laugh, and I've been way pissy for a few weeks now. Enjoy.

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE

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EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to

your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a

Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially

and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your

money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and

therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need

to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof

of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.

They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing

you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every

effort should be made to have non-employees attend the

funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where

employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be

scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to

allow you to work through your lunch hour and

subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.

There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the

stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will

sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall

door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your

second offense, your picture will be posted on the

company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'

category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be

sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need

to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a

balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's

all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here

to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,

all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,

frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,

allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation

and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

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:):D haha thats great imagine walking into work and seeing that posted somewhere...kinda reminds me off that movie officespace where they keep making that guy move his cubical and he ends up like in the basement:thumbsup:

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some one has way to much time on there hands but id like a copy of the rules too

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Did someone do that to you or is that from an email?

Funny either way! I luv it!

To get a copy just select HM's whole post, copy & paste it into word or into your email.

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that was funny!!!! especially since we have a couple employees (seeing it from the bosses side :))

My sister got a new boss(son took over) and everyone in the office gets a massage every Thursday(today!). Jeans are absolutely not allowed tho now :D

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Hey now........who took the pics of my new office:excuseme: ?????? Dang spies:blush:

But hey that looks like someone has way too much time on their hands at work :)

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I have seen most of those pictures before in an email that was passed along the office a couple years ago... super funny!!!! who on earth spent the time to pull that together?! someone with a little TOO much time on their hands... shouldn't they actually be doing "real" work?! LOL... although, its really funny :)

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I have seen most of those pictures before in an email that was passed along the office a couple years ago... super funny!!!! who on earth spent the time to pull that together?! someone with a little TOO much time on their hands... shouldn't they actually be doing "real" work?! LOL... although, its really funny :)

I bet they were Politicians:lol:

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