Harley pre-ride checklist

Harley rider pre-ride check off list:

1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache

2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the Live to ride & ride to live statement on gas tank lid.

3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider

4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.

5. Look in mirror and perfect the I'm a bad ass mother****** harley riding scowl.

6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.

7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)

8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary vibration

9. Leather pants

10. Gloves

11. Wrap around sunglasses

12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!

13. CAT work boots (new)

14. Leather vest with some chapter like: North chapter of pig screwing obese attention whore douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.

15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.

16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.

17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.

18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.

19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool

20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.

21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of shit down the road.

I thought we could use some humor with all of the threads about land closures.

Nice post. :bonk:

Nor cal, lets get a ride set up for next weekend. Here, there, somewhere.

MTBs Motos. Its all good.

One more-

#22. Practice your burnouts for when you leave the biker bar. After all, it's not easy getting a little ol' 130 tire to light up with 60 HP.

I thought all the small town folk complaints about loud pipes was a bunch of whining until I witnessed the stupidity first hand. When 15 bikes light off, each at 110db, it gets really loud. The burnouts and full throttle launches make you glad they are leaving...

23. Apply liberal amounts of saddlesoap to the back of your leather vest. This will prevent your tube-top attired old lady's pot belly from chaffing.

:bonk:

Nothing torques me more than sitting in my living room at 10 at night and one or several of those things go roaring by damn near shaking my windows. But out in God's country, my bike has to be whisper quite.

Funny seeing the HD advertisements at the bottom of this thread.

Zeke, I think D and I are riding Saturday.

#'s 22 & 23 are quality additions!

Nothing torques me more than sitting in my living room at 10 at night and one or several of those things go roaring by damn near shaking my windows. But out in God's country, my bike has to be whisper quite.

Funny seeing the HD advertisements at the bottom of this thread.

Zeke, I think D and I are riding Saturday.

#'s 22 & 23 are quality additions!

Just lovely isn't it? I especially like the fact that the tools have to rev their motor 500 times whenever they are stopped. I am surrounded by these ape hanger sportin, nazi helmet wearin, flip flop sportin, straight pipe runnin scrotums:banghead:

Enough of my rant. I have to go repair the smog pump on my dirtbike............

Where it the one about trailering the bike to 3 miles from your destination and then only riding those 3 miles?

ironic you post this.

i went out for a street ride with my close friend, he just recently bought a harley, thought he was so bad ass.

i went out on my dad's concourse.

his engine dies in the middle of nowhere.

had to use me to juice him back up, and then he died again about 4 miles down the road,

ended up having to trust some random stranger to store the bike while we ran back to my house and got my trailer.

harley owned...

24. Before going under any overpass/bridge, be sure to coast a bit, then, when under the bridge grab a handful of throttle and load the engine in a desperate attempt to impress people and make them think your bike is FAST!!!

(I have yet to see a Harley rider go under a bridge and not do this! Cracks me up..idiots..:bonk:)

There was a big fat GEEK at my job that was totally shunned by everyone who had a personality.

He buys a HD Fat Boy and instantly all the gals in the office thought he was IT!

Went to lunch with everyone and I was just blown away at the theatrics!

:bonk: Unbelievable!

Was someone watching "Wild Hogs"?????

There was a big fat GEEK at my job that was totally shunned by everyone who had a personality.

He buys a HD Fat Boy and instantly all the gals in the office thought he was IT!

Went to lunch with everyone and I was just blown away at the theatrics!

:bonk: Unbelievable!

HD is also known as a penis extension

Why do you think I own one....

While sitting home this weekend sick as a dog instead of riding in the primo conditions, I watched Easy Rider for the first time. Whoa! Someone was on some drugs making that movie. The ending was especially "out there".

I have to say that movie captured the tripping feeling better than any other movie ever.

I have the neighborhood jewel that has to let everyone know he's going to work at 4:30 AM unbelievable how loud one bike can be. probably convinced his wife he was going to save the family lotsa money during to high fuel prices last year!!

I have the neighborhood jewel that has to let everyone know he's going to work at 4:30 AM unbelievable how loud one bike can be. probably convinced his wife he was going to save the family lotsa money during to high fuel prices last year!!

Wants everyone to know loud pipes saves lives... :bonk:

Hey F. U. all you ***** rice burning Homos. I ride with my group and we wear the half helmets cause there comfy. We dont have no nazi crap or fringes and tassles and loud pipes. We dont go to Starbucks cause we aint a bunch of NPMF's. We don't have fat old ladies on the back we aint fat. We ride for the fun and freedom without the patches labels flags and advertisements and besides all that I ride a Yamaha. So kiss my lilly white ass.

I love the HD riders, they all crack me up, but don't bother me either. Living down the street from Cooks Corner you see the "real dudes" and the "weekend goofiness". Every weekend there is a trail of them riding and/or working on their bikes on Santiago Canyon Rd. I think this thread is more for the latter of the two.

#25 You know why they chrome all the parts? So they can find them easier on the side of the road when they fall off. #26 Buy the T-shirt that says, "if you can read this shirt, the bitch fell off". I would own one if they weren't so heavy. I think they are reliable as long as you tighten all the bolts on the pre-ride check list.

Hey F. U. all you ***** rice burning Homos. I ride with my group and we wear the half helmets cause there comfy. We dont have no nazi crap or fringes and tassles and loud pipes. We dont go to Starbucks cause we aint a bunch of NPMF's. We don't have fat old ladies on the back we aint fat. We ride for the fun and freedom without the patches labels flags and advertisements and besides all that I ride a Yamaha. So kiss my lilly white ass.

Does anybody else see a problem with the statements: "Hey F. U. all you ***** rice burning Homos." and "and besides all that I ride a Yamaha." Not really sure what all this can mean, other than we didn't do real well in H.S. English did we?

Just for info. I investigate and reconstruct motorcycle accidents for a living. I have seen over and over again guys that are now vegetables or worm food because they were wearing a half helmet. In the same scenario with the same forces and a good open or full face helmet they would have been OK. Half helmets are for half wits in my opinion. RB

Edited by rickbrnl

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