OT: your favorite haha please

Our Boys Ride is coming up and I need to polish up on my joke inventory for the camp fire. Give me your favorite.


Two harelips loose their jobs at the local women's hosery factory, so they head down to the local job agency hoping to get placed.

The placement person calls the first in harelip into her office and asks the man what he does.

"I am a deezle-fitter" says the harelip.

"Excuse me" says the lady.

"Deezle-fitter" says the harelip.

"oh, a deisel fitter" says the lady, "you are a mechanic! I have an opening here for $15.00 an hour at another hosery factory. How will that work?"

"Ya, daat would be gweat" says the harelip, and he heads back out to the waiting room with a big smile on his face, and says to his buddy, "I got a job for $15 bucks an hour!"

Second guy heads into the office, and tells the lady that he is a "croth nipper".

"Excuse me" says the lady, "did you say that you are a "crotch sniffer"?

"no, no, no lady, I am a croth nipper. You know, nip, nip nip".

"Oh" says the lady, "you are a crotch SNIPPER!"

2nd harelip says "yeah, lady, that is it."

She punches it up in her computer, and she finds an opening for $10 bucks, and tells him about it.

He is disgusted!

"What! How come I only get $10 an hour, but he gets $15! Dat's not right!" he proclaims.

"Well," says the lady, "you are just a crotch snipper. He is a deisel fitter, a mechanic, and they get much more."

"What", proclaims the 2nd harelip, "he is no mechanic, he is a "deezle fitter".

The lady is about to through her hands into the air when the 2nd hairlip says "A Deezle fitter! You know (air grabs a pair of panty hose and pulls them over his head and says) "yup, deezle fitter!" (these'll fit her!)

When told with a harelip voice, the joke is pretty good. Don't know how well it is in cyber-text.

There is a Republican, a lib left winger and a green party working in the field

The Republican is the Boss sitting up on a hill arm perched on a fence making millions while the lib left winger and the green party infidels are digging a ditch

The green party guy asked the lib left winger why are we diggin ditches and the boss man is up there smokin an illegal Cuban Cigar.

Lib Left Winger says

Its becouse he is a whoring capitalist pig that is bent on destroying the world as we know it.

The green party guy says I dont think so Thats not what I hear. Can you go ask him, I cant walk because my welfare check hasnt come in and I can not afford to pay for my meds to help get my legs back on.

Lib Left winger says ok

So the Lib Left winger goes up and asked the republican why they are diggin ditches and he is sitting there smokin an illegal cigar from cuba.

The Republican says will its a matter of inteligence

Well this puzzled the left wing liberal, because he never heard of such a thing. And he says

Intelegence? What you mean Intelegence?

The republican walks over to the tree and places his hand on the tree and says

Try and hit my hand as hard as you can

Well because the lib left winger had no deductive reasoning ability he laughed and said but boss if I do that I will bust up your hand.

Republican say its ok just do it.

So the lib left winger took the best swing he could and just before he hit the hand, the republican pulled his hand away and the lib left winger busted every bone in his hand as it slammed into the tree.

Well He silently went back to the ditch and started diggin.

Suddenly the green party guy came back from his dope break and asked

What ya find out.

The lib left winger said with a smirk

Its about intlegence

Intelegence ? the green guy said Dude whats it got to do with intelence

Well said the Lib Left Winger as he placed his hand on his face

try and hit my Hand :)

A duck walks into a grocery store, waddles up to the register and asks the cashier "got any GWAPES?" The cashier replies "no, we don't have any GRAPES." The duck waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles in to the store, up to the same cashier, and asks "got any GWAPES?" "NO, we don't have any GRAPES" the cashier answered. The duck waddles out.

The next day, same duck, same store, waddles up to the cashier: "got any GWAPES?" The cashier shouts back "NO! We don't have any GRAPES! The next time you ask me that, I'm gonna staple your little duck feet to the floor!" The duck waddles out.

Yet the next day, here comes the duck, right up to the cashier. The duck asks "got any STAPLES?" The cashier pauses a moment, then says no. "Good! Got any GWAPES?!?"

Rated R :)

An old man and old woman were sitting around one day at a retirement village.

The old man looks up and says "You know its been a long time since I had any type of sexual relations."

The old woman pipes up "Yea, me too. It shure would be nice if I could just hold one again."

The old man, with a gleam of excitement says, "Hey, were not dead yet? Would you be willing to hold mine?"

Without hesitation the old lady agrees so they head of behind the retirement village to the bushes.

After the old lady hold it in her hand for a while the old man asks "would you be willing to meet me back here tomorrow, same time same place?"

"Sure would!" says the elderly lady.

So the next day they meet again. Everything going great, the old man asks for a 3rd date.

On the 3rd meeting another elderly resident sees some rustling in the bushes where the couple meet for their daily "holding" sessions.

She walk over to see whats going on and finds the old man with his unit in the old lady hand. Shocked by what shes seen due to the fact she had a couple prior dates with the old man, she exclaims "Whats she got that I dont got!?"

The old man looks back at her and says "Parkinsons" :D :D

What does an accountant do for constipation :D

He works it out with a pencil! :)

What is the one food that if eaten, will affect you for the rest of your life? :applause:


















Wedding cake! :applause:


Mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink.

Bartender says, I'm sorry we dont serve mushrooms here!

Mushrooms says why not I'm a fungi !

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